Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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