I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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