Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just pee around me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
