I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
