So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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