Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
