But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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