i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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