we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
