So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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