Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I'm really busy with my period
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