Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
