i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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