I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
