I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
