so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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