We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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