lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
