He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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