Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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