Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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