remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
