At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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