i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
