hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
