i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
