shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
