she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
