why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
