I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
