ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love having hate sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
