I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
