I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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