Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You smell like stripper and shame
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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