I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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