I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
