Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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