This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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