just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
