I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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