Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
