12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
