My nipple is on Facebook.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
