it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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