I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
