you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
