NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
