i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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