There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
