So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
MIDGETS
????
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
