i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
