I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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