Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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