I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
