Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
